Some of the greatest dialogue ever written…


One of the best Sherlock Holmes films ever…

Watson: “Here’s an advance copy of Strand Magazine! They’ve printed ‘The Red-Headed League!'”

Holmes: “Very impressive.”

Watson: “Would you like to see how I’ve treated it?”

Holmes: “I can hardly wait. I’m sure I shall find out all sorts of fascinating things about the case I never knew before.”

Watson: “Just what do you mean by that?”

Holmes: “Oh, come now, Watson; you must admit you have a tendency to over-romanticize. You’ve taken my simple exercises in logic, and embellished them, embroidered them, exaggerated them—”

Watson: “I deny the accusation!”

Holmes:”You describe me as 6’4″, whereas I am barely 6’1″.”

Watson : “A bit of ‘poetic license’!”

Holmes: “You’ve saddled me with this improbable costume, which the public now expects me to wear.”

Watson: “It was not my doing! Blame it on the illustrator!”

Holmes: “You’ve made me out to be a violin virtuoso. There’s an invitation from the Liverpool Symphony to appear as soloist in the Mendelssohn Concerto!”

Watson: “Really!”

Holmes: “The fact is I could barely hold my own in the pit orchestra of a second-rate music hall.”

Watson: “Well, you’re much too modest.”

Holmes: “You’ve given the reader the distinct impression that I’m a mysoginist. Actually I don’t dislike women. I merely distrust them. The ‘twinkle in the eye,’ and the ‘arsenic in the soup.'”

Watson: “It’s those little touches that make you colorful!”

Holmes: “Lurid is more like it. You’ve painted me as a hopeless dope addict—just because I occasionally take a five-percent solution of cocaine.”

Watson: “Seven-percent solution.”

Holmes: “Five-percent. Don’t you think I’m aware you’ve been diluting it behind my back?”

Watson: “As a doctor, as well as your friend, I strongly disapprove of this insidious habit of yours!”

Holmes: “My dear friend’ as well as my dear doctor, I only resort to narcotics, when I am suffering from acute boredom. When there are no interesting cases to engage my mind. Look at this: an urgent appeal to find some missing midgets!”

Watson: “Did you say ‘midgets’?

Holmes: “Hm. Six of them. ‘The Tumbling Piccolos’ — an acrobatic act at some circus.”

Watson (reading): “‘Disappeared between London and Bristol.’ Well, don’t you find that intriguing?

Holmes: “Extremely so. You see, they’re not only midgets. They’re also anarchists.”

Watson: ” Anarchists!”

Holmes: “By now, they’ve been smuggled to Vienna, dressed as little girls in organdy pinafores. They are to greet the Czar of all the Russians. When arrives at the railway station, they will be carrying bouquets of flowers…and concealed in each bouquet there will be a bomb with a lit fuse.”

Watson:”You really think so?”

Holmes:”Absolutely not. The circus owner offered me five pounds for my services. That’s not even a pound a midget! So, obviously, he’s a stingy bliger, and the little chaps simply ran off to join another circus.”

Watson: “It sounded so…promising.”

(Robin Stephens and Colin Blakely, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, Mirisch Production Company, 1970)


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